In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

March 30, 2012

20 week fetus

The fetus turned 20 weeks on Wednesday, but I decided to hold off on this post until my sonogram yesterday. Good thing I did -- the tech told me the fetus is 15 oz, which he said was normal, but my internet sources say is HUGE. I gotta admit, I'm not excited about this -- I've been hoping for a little one!

This week we also start measuring the fetus from head to heel instead of head to rump, so we have an additional change. says this week it's the size of a banana, 10 inches head to heel. With my whopping 15 oz fetus, I say it is now the size of an Eastern grey squirrel:

Wikipedia says Eastern grey squirrels' head & body length is 9.1 to 12 in, weighing in at between 14 - 20 oz. So the fetus-squirrel is only a wee one!

March 26, 2012

Ignoring and acknowledging pregnancy

Reason #53 why being a surrogate for your first pregnancy is different: my current lifestyle.

Sooo... you never see pregnant chicks out at bars. And definitely not at clubs. Ok, yeah, fine, we can't drink -- but I don't think that's why. People go out and don't drink all the time: they're driving, have to work early, they're broke... whatever. So why does pregnancy suddenly make them stop? 

A lot of pregnant ladies already have kids, and people with kids go out less, so there's one possible factor. But what about first timers? My only guess is that they're nesting -- getting ready for the Parenthood. I can see that happening with Winchester, even. He who used to stay up all night drinking whisky and smoking cigs is now in bed knitting at 10pm.

I'm not knitting, and I most certainly am not preparing for the Parenthood. So where does that leave me? As the only pregnant chick at the club. And it's kinda awesome -- going out sober is a totally worthwhile experiment (though I probably wouldn't make it a 9 month experiment if I had my druthers!). First, people watching becomes 1,000x funnier: drunk people are so silly! Second, dancing sober allows me to incorporate my work out routine into my social time: you see my awesome new dance move? Yeah, it's a hindu squat with calf raises. Drunk Deputy never would have pulled that off.

March 22, 2012

Q: How and/or Do you plan to co-parent in any way? What you're doing is incredible!

Right - I meant to address this at some point!

Winchester and Wolfram have the best attitude about my role that I could possibly hope for. They are open to any degree of involvement I want, and don't care when I decide. So, if I see that baby and decide to run for the hills, they won't come chasing me. Alternately, if I decide to move next door to them in Western Home State and be a third parent, they're cool with that, too.

Neither of those options appeal to me at all. I'm picturing something of a glorified aunt role - glorified really only by my initial contribution. But you can bet your ass I'm gonna give the best birthday presents!

So the short answer is no, I don't intend to co-parent. There are some things that I expect to change, though. Our really close friend Crono likes to talk about how friends are the family that you get to choose.  He, Winchester and I became 'family' a while back, but it seems likely that a little genetic gift will cement that bond (barring the possibility that Winchester and I end up hating each other).

Hey -  thanks a bunch for your support!

March 21, 2012

19 weeks

"you know your heirloom tomato is ripe when it's about the size of a 19 week fetus" says the fetus is the size of a large heirloom tomato this week, at 6 inches from head to bottom and 8.5 oz. Six inches?? When is the last time you saw a six inch tomato?? And even if a few do get that big, heirloom tomatoes are specifically "not engineered to be uniform in size or shape."

French's classic yellow mustard, on the other hand, can always be relied on to be 6 inches from cap to bottom, and 8 oz - just a tad lighter than your 19 week fetus.

March 20, 2012

Stretch mark phobia

It shouldn't be taken for granted that stretch marks are to be dreaded and avoided. While telling a friend about my stretch mark cream research, she said, without a trace of irony, "So wait you don't want stretch marks?" I looked at her like she had just offered me a recreational lobotomy.  Turns out she finds them sexy. She also finds pregnant women sexy in general - so go figure.

That's all fine and well, but I for one am looking forward to many future days of stretch-mark-free public semi-nudity, etc., so I did my research, and feel like it might be worthwhile to share it on the interweb.

Disclaimer: Don't trust me. I'm getting a PhD in a SOCIAL science. 

March 19, 2012

The quickening

The fetus just woke up while I was sitting here in seminar. I've felt it a bit before I think, but today it's making its presence known. And all I can think is, oh crap how claustrophobic must be to be stuck in a uterus for 9 months. Logically, I know it's cool with it... but I still find it easiest to interpret these movements as desperate pleas for more space. Sorry, bud.

March 14, 2012

18 week fetus

This week, tells me the fetus is 5.5", 7 oz: the size of a bell pepper. I say, fuck that. It is the size of liquid hand soap:

5.5", 7.5 oz

March 13, 2012

Q: Why did you choose to carry someone else's baby before having your own?

Oh hey! Thanks for asking!

This is a pretty big deal because I haven't run into any other surrogates on the internet who are having their first kid (I know you're out there!!! contact meeeee!). One big reason for this is that in order to work for a surrogacy agency you MUST have already had your own kids. I haven't seen any reasons given explicitly, but I assume it's because a) they want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into and b) in theory this should lessen the chance you become attached to the kid? (Any pro surrogates want to chime in here?)

So, I guess you're assuming that I want my own kids... and you'd be very RIGHT. I've always wanted kids, and not for a moment -- in the midst of screaming children or bratty teenagers -- have I doubted that desire (despite being a member of a yuppie demographic that rejects the idea that a normal life trajectory requires kids).

March 12, 2012

And then I woke up...

I dreamt last night about giving birth.  A few moments after the big event, I turned to the male nurse next to me and said "Was that as easy as I think it was? Did I LOOK like I was in a lot of pain?" and then I watched Winchester nervously fling the bloody, shit covered baby against his bare chest. I turned to my doula and laughed with her at him. I then got up, a little woozy, and decided that it was time for me to eat! I walked down to the hospital cafeteria, randomly bumped into some friends from high school, and got some sushi.

Can it be like this please?

March 7, 2012

17 week fetus

I've mentioned before the insanity of comparing fetuses to fruits and vegetables (see here, and here, and here, for example). I don't like this system because 1) it's super imprecise - fruits and veggies range in size a lot more than fetuses 2) do you think I don't know how long an inch is??? and 3) it's a little sexist, no? Another blogger thought it was, and offered his own man chart.

If people insist on concrete objects to compare the fetus to, I propose we find some better standards, and I'm starting now. tells me my fetus is the size of a turnip: 5", head to bottom, and 5 oz. HELLOO??? Turnips, "...come in an astonishing range of shapes and sizes, depending on the age and variety, some have weighed 20 to 25 kilos, while others are the size of a golf ball." Let's get real. The fetus is the size of an iPhone: 4.5" long (5.09" diagonal), 4.9 oz.

March 5, 2012

Calling all surrogates!

Hi there!

I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to share with me stories of your hospital stay after the birth. Did the doctors put the baby on your chest right away? Did it stay in your room? Could you leave the hospital before the baby (please tell me yes!)? Where did the IPs keep themselves? Is there anything you think went really well or badly? Or, if you haven't given birth yet, what are your plans?

Cuz let me tell you: the idea of sharing a room with an infant is exhausting enough on my best days, but when I've just been through something as intense labor... eeks!!

- The Deputy