In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

March 5, 2012

Calling all surrogates!

Hi there!

I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to share with me stories of your hospital stay after the birth. Did the doctors put the baby on your chest right away? Did it stay in your room? Could you leave the hospital before the baby (please tell me yes!)? Where did the IPs keep themselves? Is there anything you think went really well or badly? Or, if you haven't given birth yet, what are your plans?

Cuz let me tell you: the idea of sharing a room with an infant is exhausting enough on my best days, but when I've just been through something as intense labor... eeks!!

- The Deputy
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10 comments:

  1. ~ C ~March 8, 2012 at 9:17 AM

    I haven't gone through it yet, but I can definitely share my plans and expectations!

    I want the babies to go right into their parent's arms. It would feel wrong if they went to me first! You'll get a pre birth order from the lawyer around week 28 or so that allows your IPs to have full parental rights in the hospital- they'll get the wrist bands and a room on the post pardum floor as well so the babies can stay with them or in the nursery.
    If you have a normal vaginal delivery you typically don't have to stay more than a day (depending on hospital protocol).
    Honestly, your adrenaline will be pumping so hard after you give birth that you wont be ABLE to sleep! I know I was EXHAUSTED after my own daughter was born, but even hours later all I could do was snuggle her on my chest and stare at her. After the long road my IPs have been on to get to this point, I want to take a gazillion pictures of them as new parents until they kick me out and want privacy with their new family!

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    1. The DeputyMarch 10, 2012 at 7:23 PM

      Haha, sounds pretty wild! Things will be different for us because we're not working through an agency, so we're still working out the legal issues, and I might need to check the baby out of the hospital.

      You're going to have double the challenge doing it twice!! Hat's off to you - I kept telling Winchester (the IP) that I would kill him if he got twins (which he was not-so-secretly hoping for!!) ;)

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  2. The DeputyMarch 8, 2012 at 9:29 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. braejumaMarch 12, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    Hey!!! I JUST saw a comment you posted on my blog...I am so sorry I missed it!!! Thanks for dropping by!!
    I had an amazing experience that would take so long to type out lol If you go here (it should work ) its the whole story of the birth and how we made it happen http://www.surromum.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2012-01-01T20:10:00-08:00&max-results=10

    It was important to me from the get go, that if my IM wanted to, that she "Catch" her baby...and thats exactly what happened! Hers were the first hands laid on the baby and it was amazing.The pictures speak for themselves.
    In the end, you have to do whats important to you guys as a whole...the IFs and yourself. Some dudes dont want to see a girls "junk" as my IF called it lol I suspect that if straight guys dont want to see it, gay guys definitely dont LOL. So...maybe catching, isnt the right thing lol

    As for the hospital stay and such, again, up to you and of course your hospital. In my case, I left the hospital, and the IPs stayed in the hospital with the baby. I will be doing a sibling for them in a couple years and will likely do the same. But I hope afterwards, to carry for a gay couple and that will be very different. Ill likely be able to nurse baby for them and while I prefer to go home and recoup in the comfort of my own bed, I will do whatever my future IFs want...whether that be stay in ght hospital a night with them, or stay with them or them stay with me, for a few days. We will cross that bridge when we get to it lol
    But from everything I head, carrying for gay guys rather then a mom, is a totally different experience and one that I would love to be involved in.
    Best of luck on your journey! I will be following it for sure!!!

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    1. The DeputyMarch 13, 2012 at 2:56 PM

      Your experience sounds awesome... except for the ice maxi pad... :/

      Yeah, Winchester (the IP) is pretty squeamish and he's a little nervous about passing out or something, but I think he'll pull together in the heat of the moment!

      Thanks so much for sharing your story - it helps a lot to hear from people who have done this before.

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  4. braejumaMarch 12, 2012 at 3:32 PM

    Oh I should add that because Im in Canada, things are also a bit different here so I cant really comment on the law of things. But we had things prearranged so that when baby was born, she roomed with her parents, and I went home (although I was welcome to stay in my own room, but I wanted to go home). Her parents got all the same things every other parent gets to experience (learning to bathe baby and such). My surrobirth, was the first surro birth in our hospital, so we kinda paved the way for others!

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  5. braejumaMarch 12, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    Oh LOL I also forgot to answer your question about pumping. I personally do not regret pumping. I hate pumping, but Im glad to have been able to give her that milk. As for the emotional aspect of it, I think you hit about 2 weeks pp and whether you pump or feed or not, there will be ups and downs at that point. 2 weeks pp is kind of that pivitol point and you just have to ride it out. I dont think pumping prolonged my emotional stuff...I still deal with it from time to time...but if you read in my blog all my ramblings, you will understand where my emotional stuff is coming from lol Ok...thats it...no more comments LOL

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    1. The DeputyMarch 13, 2012 at 3:00 PM

      It's good to hear that you don't think the emotional stuff was prolonged. They're only going to be in town for a couple of weeks after the birth - do you think it will be worth it? I'm not really sure how milk production goes - if I start pumping will it be harder to stop? Or is easing out of it better anyway?

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  6. AnonymousJuly 14, 2012 at 8:33 AM

    I would recommend that you read the benefits of breastfeeding (whether breast or pumped in a bottle)- it not only is best for the long term health of the baby, but it will also have benefits for you, including helping to reset your metabolism to pre-pregnancy so you are better able to return to "normal".

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    1. The DeputyJuly 15, 2012 at 5:18 PM

      Thanks! My current plan is a decided non-plan. I'm trying to learn as much about the benefits and drawbacks as possible, and then make an educated decision after giving birth based on how I feel. Sure would be nice to reset that metabolism :)

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