Q: I'm considering volunteering for a family member, and it would be my first. Like you, I don't want children any time soon. Were you able to find resources about the possibility of losing your own fertility? I truly think I would be okay with it, but I obviously have no way of knowing for sure.

Hi there! Thanks so much for asking this question. I had frankly no idea how to answer this, so I asked for the help of Certified Nurse Midwife Colleen Kennedy, who was kind enough to offer her expertise! She writes:

As a Certified Nurse Midwife I think about only two things when it comes to fertility - age and underlying issues that cause infertility.  With that in mind, when I first heard that there was a question about future fertility when a woman chooses to be a surrogate for her first pregnancy I thought there wasn’t a whole lot tying the two together.  However, upon further thought and research these are the issues that could come up if surrogacy was chosen for your first pregnancy.

Miscarriage Shmiscarriage

I hit the second trimester mark this week (on the day before Winchester’s birthday, so he’s been saying for weeks that he gets the second trimester as a present!). Traditionally, this is also the point at which people start to talk openly about their pregnancy, as chances of a miscarriage drop significantly in the second trimester.

I think this tradition is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard of. Here’s my reasoning, feel free to tell me that I’M a load of bullshit*:

Until relatively recently in history, miscarriages were blamed on the woman. Sooo… if you were a 19th century broad, you’d do well to hide any miscarriages you had, for fear of retribution. These days, we know better, but the stigma still exists.  Modern-day chick isn’t really conscious of the history, and says “OH! But it’s not because we blame the woman! It’s just that it’s awkward. We don’t want to draw attention.” You know why it’s awkward??? Because your average joe has NO idea how common miscarriages are. And why does he not know how common they are? Because we actively hide the fact that they happen.