In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

February 13, 2012

Coming Out


It’s not a secret that I’m a surrogate. I mean, I’m not going to tell my very conservative grandparents who live in a far off land, but other than that it’ll be pretty hard to hide that I’m going to have a big pregnant belly followed by no kid. 

There are, however, some people I’ve been more hesitant to tell than others. I’m currently getting WIC  food stamps*, and I decided not to tell the nice employees at the WIC office in case it would somehow disqualify me or they would ask for Wolfram’s financial info. I’m not a very good liar, though, so I fed them a series of half truths until I found myself in a contorted pretzel of a story:

WIC Employee: Are you planning to breastfeed? 

The deputy: Um, I’m not sure yet. 

WIC Employee: Why not?

The deputy: Well, the baby’s going to go live with its dad in Western Home State

WIC Employee: Oh my god! Oh no, why???

The deputy: Well... I’m kind of busy here and wouldn’t really be able to support it… and he’s got a good support system there… so it just makes more sense…

WIC Employee (looking heartbroken for me): Oh no! And there’s no way he could live here???

The deputy: Um… well, you see, it’s ok… the dad’s actually going to raise the kid… I don’t really want a kid right now… 

WIC Employee: And he’s ok with that?? 

The deputy: OH yeah… 


I almost fell into the same trap with my health providers. We’re going to an in-hospital midwife center, where when it comes time to deliver, you’re aided by whichever of the ten staff midwives is on duty at the moment. I’d been warned by a friend that while most of the midwives are very liberal, there are a couple who are less enthusiastic about alternative families, so my plan was to just keep my mouth shut and let them assume what they wanted. This went fine until the third prenatal visit, when the midwife looked at me and said, “And I can just tell you’re going to breastfeed.” My heart started to beat faster and I mumbled that I wasn’t sure, before Winchester stepped in and said that the baby was going to go to Western Home State. Recognizing an uncomfortable and familiar path, I gathered up my courage and said, “You see, I’m a surrogate.” 

Much like other kinds of coming out, this one was accompanied by a wave of relief. 



* OMG they give you so much milk!!!
Labels: , ,

1 comment:

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)