In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

January 8, 2013


Over the past few months, I've occasionally gotten nervous messages from nice people who follow this blog: "hey, you disappeared, assume you had the baby, how is everything?", "How are you? I've missed your posts lately. Did you deliver yet?" I'm very sorry if I alarmed anyone, or caused them to conclude that I was scarred by giving birth to a breech hedgehog and experiencing intense surrogacy remorse. The truth is I've just had better things to do with my new freedom :D

The short of it is: on August 16th, my uterus tried to kill the baby. The doctors stepped in with a last minute c-section and saved the day! Winchester and Wolfram now have a lovely little girl (if I do say so myself!) no worse for wear, and I recovered quite swiftly.

The long version goes something like this:

I went into labor on the evening of my due date. By the time Winchester (father-to-be), Hotshot (my girlfriend), Mitsy (my doula) and I got to the hospital, a couple hours after leaving the house, I was just starting to really be in pain and I was 6cm dilated! For those of you in the know, you can imagine how pleased I was to hear that I was so far progressed after so little pain! I was on the way! I was dilated enough for an epidural even! And so I promptly requested one.

I can't say how much time passed between the onset of intense pain and the epidural. It was a couple hours at least, but not terribly long. I can say that I have never been so thankful for the presence of a single human being in a particular instance as I was for Mitsy then. She did this awesome ninja hip squeeze thing during the contractions that reduced my pain by HALF. And she did it every three minutes. For several hours. She is a BEAST.

I finally got my epidural and all was well in the world. We all had just settled down to get some rest when suddenly the room was swarming with staff - nurses, OBGYNs, and one of my favorites: Hottie Midwife, surging around me medical-drama style. Baby's heart rate was dropping and they were having trouble keeping it up. I was devastated, but when Hottie Midwife looked at me and said that I had to have a c-section, I was totally confident that they had done everything they could to avoid it. The medical name for what happened is tachysystole, with possible placental abruption.

They gave me a few minutes to collect myself before prepping me for surgery. I sobbed. Mitsy consoled me, and I cried heavily on Hotshot. I also almost gave her a heart attack when I grabbed her, needles sticking out of my arms and oxygen tubes flying, and pulled her onto my bed for a full hug. I pulled myself together and Winchester came with me into surgery.

For a little bit we had a lot of fun. Crackin jokes with the anesthesiologist, chit chatting with Winchester, generally marveling at the new sensations in my body. Or rather, lack of sensations. Getting cut up just felt like a lot of pulling and tugging. Ugh, except for the shaking. So much shaking. My arms and jaw were shaking like Wile E Coyote getting electrocuted by power lines. My anesthesiologist kept saying "just shake, just shake, let it all out, it's normal" and I was like, "yyyoooouuu tthhhiiinnkk III hhavveee aa chhhooiicceeeeeee??????"

After what seemed like a very long while, I felt something suction-y and saw a baby being rushed to heat lamps. Now, granted that this was the first brand new new born I'd ever seen, I was sure that this baby was not in great shape. She was limp, and silent. Winchester and I kept up the banter that had been going on throughout the whole surgery. Our mouths kept moving and sound kept coming out but I'm sure neither of us knew what we were saying. It took two minutes - two full minutes - before we heard a tiny pterodactyl-like sound that confirmed that we had, indeed, made a baby.


  1. CORRECTION: I may remember the few minutes immediately after birth inaccurately. Meh, I was on a lot of drugs. Winchester says he doesn't remember her ever not moving, just squirming a little, but that she didn't make a noise for a long time.

  2. CONGRATS!!!! she IS gorgeous!

  3. OMG! I jumped for joy when I saw this post! Yay! Congrats to you all and WOW, what a beautiful little girl!

    So glad you posted.

  4. I was wondering how things went down for you. Happy to see this post!

  5. Congratulations! Good job. You are such a stud.

  6. Hey thanks for checking in with me! Sorry if I for making this so suspenseful, but I had so much to do after recovering. I've got a lot more to say though, so I'll be back around for a little bit.

  7. I was wondering what happened too. Glad to hear things went well and you and the baby are doing OK. Whew.