In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

January 29, 2013

Attachment and all that

I've been impressed by how openly friends and acquaintances ask me the question on everyone's mind, "Do you feel attached?" I thought it was going to be another one of those beaten-around-the-bush questions, couched in "So how ARE you?" and "But how have you been feeling?" but people just come on out and ask, which I greatly appreciate.

I was prepared for a certain amount of attachement. When I  made my decision to carry for Winchester and Wolfram, I made a kind of budget of discomfort I was ready for:

9 months no drinking: :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
9 months no rugby: :( :( :( :(
physical discomfort: :( :( :(
pain of labor: :( :( ?????
attachment sadness: :( :( :( :(

Those four frowny faces translate to roughly a couple months depression that I was ready for. My actual discomfort was very different:

9 months no drinking: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
9 months no rugby: :( :( :(
physical discomfort:
temporary insanity: :(
pain of labor: :( :(
anger over c-section: :(
attachment sadness:

Not so much as a moment. I bore one very nice baby, but there hasn't been a single second that I've thought to myself, "Sure would be cool to have an infant around here!" I'll have a baby for myself when I'm damn well ready - but right now I'm happy in my spontaneous, self-absorbed existence.

I am, however, excited to see this girl grow. Babies are a little boring to me, but it will be great to see her start walking and talking, etc. Wolfram, Winchester and she stayed with me for a couple weeks after birth before they could fly to Western Home State. It was cool, but it sucked that the two weeks we got to hang were her first two weeks - when she was possibly the most boring human being she will ever be. Babies can do nothing - NOTHING. She wasn't even in control of the wacky facial expressions she made! I'm sure that when she's older and more interesting we'll be able to hang out more.


  1. I love the :( measure of discomfort. I'm with you on the drinking. The greatest discomfort for me has been the lack of wine. I'm so happy for your friends and the new life you have helped them create. I'm glad you aren't having mixed emotions about the baby too! <3

  2. So glad to hear everything worked out so well for everyone involved. And I agree about being boring at first. Cute? Yes. But my 10 month old twins are much more fun now than they were at 10 weeks. I'm looking forward to them in another couple of years when they can do things with me like bring me food from the fridge and feed the cat so I don't have to get up early.