In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

July 6, 2012

Lecture on Surrogacy

My good friend and doula, Mitsy, just happens to be teaching a course this summer on the Sociology of Human Reproduction at the university where she and I are grad students. She invited me to come talk about surrogacy (because how convenient - I happen to be a surrogate!!). She was just asking me talk a little about my personal experience, but the academic in me took over and I delved into the topic in a little more detail than... uh... she was expecting (I TALKED FOR 2 HOURS!!!).

It was a fantastic experience. I love the perspective I get from reading surrogacy blogs, but there's a part of me that yearns for large scale surveys and the numbers they produce. It turns out, these are out there. I strongly encourage anyone interested to check out the papers I list on my last slide (or contact me if you have trouble finding them).

Also, the response from the students was great. Mitsy had clearly nurtured a great academic environment, because the students were engaged, well-informed, interested and never hesitant to ask (even quite personal!) questions or express their opinions.

I'm indebted to several bloggers who let me use materials from their blogs:

Jeni, at Love Makes A Family
Michelle, at My Belly, Their Baby
Tiffany and Natalie at A Belly For Me, A Baby For You

If you want to get a pdf or powerpoint of my slides, shoot me a message with your email address in the response box on the right -->  I'm happy to share!


  1. Like I said, GREAT report! I wish I could have heard the entire presentation live! Thank you for sharing!

  2. this is awesome. echo above, i wish i'd been there to hear it. YOU NEED TO WRITE A MODERN LOVE ABOUT THIS. but glad to see the slides too. how is everything going?? i hope all's well -- loved the belly photos, looking forward to drinking margs and jamming on mexican with you when i'm back in town and you're back to drinking

  3. Me tooo! And you mean WE need to write a Modern Love, right??? :D

  4. Very cool! This hits all those big questions I hear and have/had so often.

  5. New follower here -- great lecture!! Wish I could have seen that in person, I bet it was fantastic!

  6. Nice job, but just FYI ~ all surrogate mothers are altruistic,we all take risks and the majority love what we do. Money doesn't make or break the beauty of gestational or traditional surrogacy.

    al·tru·ism (ltr-zm)
    1. Unselfish concern for the welfare of others; selflessness.
    2. Zoology Instinctive behavior that is detrimental to the individual but favors the survival or spread of that individual's genes, as by benefiting its relatives.


    [French altruisme, probably from Italian altrui, someone else, from Latin alter, other; see al-1 in Indo-European roots.]


    altru·ist n.
    altru·istic adj.
    altru·isti·cal·ly adv.

    The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

    1. Hi there! Yes, I absolutely agree, and I've been uncomfortable with the terms 'altruistic' vs 'commercial' surrogacy since learning about them. The commonplace alternative, however, 'compassionate' surrogacy, seems to me even worse!

      This is an issue that deserves to be addressed in more detail - look out for a new blog entry about it.

  7. I wish I found your blog earlier, to share with you my journey as well as that of many others around the world. Surrogacy in India is a 2.3 Billion dollar a year industry therefore it is worth mentioning. Kuddo's to you for being able to share this subject on an academic level.

  8. Good Blog sir... your blog is very helpful..
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