In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

June 1, 2012

Q: from a prospective surrogate

The Deputy,

I am so happy I found your blog.  My gay brother has asked me to be his (altruistic) surrogate.  I am very much interested however the 'fear of the unknown' is most certainly very much present, as this too will be my first pregnancy.  I'm 28 and do want kids on my own, however I've always said I will adopt as my view on kids is - why give birth when there are so many in need of parents already out there! Well anyway, I just wanted to see how your pregnancy is going, you should be around your 3rd trimester now, right? How are you feeling physically and emotionally?

Hi! Thanks for getting in touch! Sounds like you're very much in my boat. I really won't be able to give any advice until this is over (and my advice probably won't be any good until many years have gone by) but it doesn't sound like that's really what you're asking for. So I'll happily provide an update:

I've said it before but it seems to be a great truth (in my case): being pregnant is a LOT like not being pregnant. Especially so since I'm not spending my time getting ready for the great adventure of parenthood. I mean, ok... my belly's big now (you were right, I hit the 3rd trimester last week or so) and so occasionally that gets in the way (like when I forget it's there and hit table corners with it), but for the most part it's not really an issue.

UGH - FINE. Full disclosure: I totally had my first backache yesterday -- it was just an annoyance but it lasted for quite a while. I'm pretending it was a freak one time thing (instead of a totally normal part of pregnancy that will probably continue to occur...)

Emotionally things are very good. I just moved to a new place and I love it, I'm getting a good amount of work done, it's summer and I don't even need a coat if it's raining -- pretty much couldn't ask for more! I'm moodier than usual (um, I hope) but everyone seems to be hanging with that pretty well. Just DO NOT CRITICIZE ME FOR EATING MY EGG ON TOAST WITH A FORK AND KNIFE (This happened. Crono almost got a face full of orange juice. He woulda deserved it)

Still don't feel any bond with the fetus. I've been reading a bunch of studies on surrogacy, and a lot of them are showing that although there is a great societal feeling that mother-fetus bonding is biological, it may very well be social. More on that as I do more reading...

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