In 2009, I learned that there was no realistic way my best friend would ever be able to become a father -- his greatest desire in life. I decided then that I would offer to be a surrogate for him (which didn’t sound realistic at the time). A year later, I made that offer. He accepted, and in Nov. 2011 I got pregnant.

I’m writing this blog because I’m not the typical surrogate. For one, in the terms of the trade, I’m an altruistic traditional surrogate (I’m unpaid and the egg is mine) with a totally open arrangement with the dads. Most importantly, though, this is my first pregnancy (NO ONE thinks this is a good idea; most surrogates already have their own kids).

Also, we’re all gay, so this is going to be the gayest baby ever.*

- The Deputy

*Except for the children of those many, many other sets of three or more gays who decided to combine their powers to procreate...

April 18, 2012

Pregnant and dating: Part I

This is part I in a three part installment of how surrogacy has affected my dating life. Think of this as the prequel.

Though I hatched this surrogacy plan a while back, it was nebulous for a long time and I wasn't taking it into account in my life plans, and definitely not in my dating plans. When I started seeing Hotshot a bit over a year ago, pregnancy was the last thing on my mind. I was fresh out of a frustrating relationship, and for a few months she and I epitomized casual dating. After a while, though, feelings took root and we started using the 'girlfriend' word. It was only a couple of months after that that Winchester, Wolfram and I finalized our plans. 

So there I was with a girl I'd only really been with for two months, and plans to get knocked up by my best friend two months in the future. I weighed my options. Do I invite her to come along for the ride? I doubted she had much interest in dating a pregnant chick -- and what would the affect be on me? I didn't really know what I was getting myself into, and I was trying to prepare for the worst. Would I be an emotional wreck? If so, having an infant relationship to take care of in addition to an infant in my belly seemed like more of a burden than a help. At the same time, I really liked this girl, and I wasn't eager to let her go. So I thought of a compromise. What if we just continued dating for the next couple of months until I got pregnant? I recognized that it was a bit like running headlong into a brick wall, but I rarely regret my emotional recklessness. So this is what I proposed to her, and she agreed. 

The next couple of months were great. It was summer, and we lived it up. We joked about our imminent, planned break-up -- what we would do when we were 'free' of each other; how I was going to tap into the lesbian pregnancy fetish community, etc., but we never talked about the details of why our relationship didn't mix with my surrogacy. It was enough for me that I knew she wasn't into it, and I was afraid if we talked about it we'd convince ourselves to try it, which I already thought was a bad idea. 

So the date came. We had a great weekend leading up to it, filled with late nights, rum punch, sun, rain, a kodak in times square, and lots and lots of me crying. And then I left, and stopped crying, and we were broken up. It didn't stick, but that story's for the third installation. 


  1. There was rum punch?? Must have been a good weekend... ;]

  2. Nice... now hurry up with the rest of the story. Cliffhangers are not nice! :)

  3. Seriously? That is the ending? No bueno. When can we expect the next two installments?

  4. ah ha! The suspense is my weapon!